That Floating Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.
As we consider the television landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, fans certainly found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
